Posted by Ask a Manager
https://www.askamanager.org/2025/05/the-inadvertent-bike-thief-the-disappearing-hair-and-other-stories-of-weird-office-thefts.html
https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31010
Last week we talked about office thefts, and here are some of my favorite stories you shared.
1. The bike
My coworker and I both biked to work fairly often. One day, my coworker didn’t bike but I did. My coworker left the office before I did and stole my bike, because he forgot he didn’t bike and just grabbed a bike and left.
The funniest part is that said coworker is nearly a foot taller than me, so his bike is much larger, and also a different color. He made it all the way home before realizing that (1) there was already a bike in his home, (2) he had car keys in his pocket, and (3) the bike he had was not his, it was mine. (He brought it back the next day, and apologized profusely, and offered to reimburse me for any costs of getting home. He was also a new father and exhausted, and honestly if he was that tired that he didn’t notice his silver bike was now blue and roughly half the normal size, it was probably good he wasn’t behind the wheel of a car! And it was nice outside, so I just walked home.)
2. The medical card
More than 40 years ago, in med school, outside our classroom was a big set of cubbyholes for coffee mugs, labeled with our names. My plain white mug kept getting taken, and I’d usually find it in the student smoking lounge full of cigarette butts. I photocopied a card that I had been issued when I completed my two-year Peace Corps stint. I taped it to the mug with the line, “Use at your own risk” added. The card was intended as a heads-up to doctors and it said, “MyName was in (country) from (date) to (date) and may have been exposed to the following diseases (list of 20+ tropical diseases, including leprosy).” No one ever took my mug again.
3. The Uncrustables
During Covid, two of my colleagues and I were all bringing in Uncrustables (the little PB&J frozen sandwiches) to be our lunch. We rarely saw each other (alternating schedules and different work zones), but we each had our stash in the freezer. We were all respectful, would never steal. All that.
One morning I had to go in extra early. I’d purchased a refill of my frozen snacks to take in with me, good news. End of the day, I’m ravenously devouring the third sandwich in my box of four when colleague comes in. I wave with half a sandwich in my hand. He opens the freezer (the kitchen was line of sight 20 feet from my desk), makes a face, and leaves without saying anything other than hello. Busy guy, it’s not unusual.
I got home and saw my box of frozen sandwiches sitting on the counter, fully defrosted. I’d devoured his sandwiches. Not mine. I’d even waved at him with one of them.
4. The maneki-neko cat
My office had a maneki-neko cat at the front desk. For those who don’t know, those are the Japanese ceramic cats with the mechanical paw that some believe bring good luck by beckoning customers into the business. Our owner was also an absolute jerk.
Mysteriously, strangely, the maneki-neko started disappearing from the front desk. It would always turn up later in another part of the office — on a cabinet, in a drawer, looking out the window — but always facing away from the door. This would drive the owner crazy, and for months the managers would ask, “Who’s moving the cat???”
Finally, one day, I caught my beloved coworker taking the maneki-neko from the front and surreptitiously moving it to the breakroom. He never fully explained his motives, but I suspect it was petty revenge against our terrible boss. He simply said, “I have moved the cat before, and I will move the cat again.”
5. The candy bar
At an old job, the exec assistant to the CEO came in one Monday and found someone had stolen candy from the top drawer of her desk. She’d had a full size Snickers bar there on Friday, and someone had opened it, eaten some, and then put the partially eaten bar back in the drawer.
6. The penguin
I used to work with a literal penguin (at a zoo) who loved to steal keys. He was really sneaky about it too. He would wait until you were crouched-down busy feeding another penguin and would sneak up behind you and gently pull stuff out of your pockets. Often I wouldn’t notice until he was quickly waddling away jangling the keys.
7. The hair theft
Somebody stole my HAIR.
A month or so before Covid, I had an enormous amount (several feet) of my hair chopped off for charity. The office sponsored me, and were incredibly generous, but I also donated the hair itself. I planned to post both the hair and the eventual check at the same time, and the building has a mail room that we’re allowed to use if we buy our own stamps, so the envelope containing, again, TWO LONG, THICK, NEAT PLAITS OF HAIR was in the top (unlocked) drawer of my desk until I could get round to posting it.
And then Covid happened. I was on leave when the office shut down, so my desk, with my hair, was left to molder to itself for a few stressful months. As soon as everything reopened, I went to get both the money and the hair. Found the money, which had been locked safely away in the bottom desk drawer … but no hair.
I was, as you can imagine, thoroughly flummoxed. My not-insubstantial flabber was gasted. And so on. (The envelope was not sealed, so it would have been immediately obvious what was in it.)
Somewhat diffidently, given that it is a touch tricky to ask, “Has anyone found my hair?” in a professional manner, I made enquiries. No hair was found but that which I remained attached to.
About 18 months later, we had a full office refurbishment. One unfortunate secretary, who’d been brought in to assist with the clear-out, found an envelope containing my STOLEN, and I really cannot stress this enough, HAIR shoved unceremoniously down behind a locker. Unsurprisingly, the poor woman remembered my plaintive emails regarding my lost tresses and returned them to me unharmed.
I bought her several coffees to make up for what I’m assuming was a bit of a shock, so we’re still friends today.
And yes, the charity got its hair donation as well as the money.
8. The revenge
It’s not exactly stealing, but I was passed over for a promotion. I had been covering as a manager and they gave the job to someone who actually isn’t good at the job.
While I was covering as manager, we moved offices and I inherited a mini fridge. Instead of leaving the fridge to the next manager (fairly common thing to do), I waited until everyone left and moved the mini fridge to my new office. I also know where we keep water coolers so I took one, and I set it up outside my office door. My office neighbors love it. My officemate thought it was hilarious.
I’m now eyeing an extra unneeded microwave and may make it go missing into my office.
Best part is that everyone thinks I got permission to do this so no one questions it.
9. The pens
Taught in a place for about eight years. At the end, I was moving cities. I filled a big envelope with all the pens I found around my flat. All sorts: some didn’t matter like Bic blue or black, but others were purple or red, fancy, roller ball, all nibs and colors. I guessed about 70% were “borrowed.” To be fair, we would all periodically buy and dump pens there, me included, but I did also pick up any pen I saw loose, carry it round, and who knows, it might go in my bag. I grew up in a big family, if it’s not hidden it’s communal.
Anyway I posted the envelope with maybe 40 pens in it. When it arrived a colleague said people were like OH MY GOD MY PEN!! It was a whole occasion.
10. The chicken
My colleague brought in a salad with a grilled chicken breast on top. When she went to have lunch, she discovered that someone had taken the chicken and left her with just the salad. The container had been inside a zippered lunch bag in the office fridge, which meant the chicken thief unzipped and went through her bag before taking the lid off the Tupperware, removing the chicken, putting the lid back, putting the sealed, poultry-less salad back in the bag, zipping the bag, and replacing the bag back in the fridge.
The funny part was that she said it was leftover chicken that was too dry, so she had popped it into her salad in hopes that would liven it up a bit.
11. The ceramic mug
My sister “Dr. Smith” is a chemistry professor who loves tea. When I still made pottery back before the arthritis got too bad to sit at the wheel, I threw her a mug, added a little pocket on the side to store a drippy tea-bag, and glazed it in her favorite color. She loved it and used it daily, until it was stolen from a ledge right outside her lab (can’t take food or drink into the lab, of course). She posted a sign explaining that the mug was hand-made by her sibling and had a great deal of sentimental value, but nobody ever returned it.
So I made her another one, complete with a little tea-bag pocket just like the first one. On this new mug, I used lettering stamps to imprint “Stolen from Dr. Smith” around the side, adding underglaze to the imprinted letters to make sure the message would be clearly visible.
She still uses her personalized mug to this day.
12. The amnesty box
My workplace had an “amnesty box” set up so you could sneak your stolen plates and utensils back after hours and not have to look any people in the eye.
13. The meat theft
One day I was at work and when I took my sandwich out of the refrigerator I discovered someone had stolen the meat out of it. It would have been less insulting if they’d just taken the entire thing!
14. The creamer
I nipped coffee creamer theft by blatantly stealing an idea that I think I read about in here somewhere awhile back — I transferred all of my creamer to a glass bottle and labeled it “Breast Milk.” Not only did people stop stealing it, no one would even touch it or place their own items too close to it. No matter how full the fridge was, it was like my creamer had a protective little forcefield around it.
15. The Edible Arrangement
A coworker planned to attend a celebratory family event directly after work, and had an Edible Arrangement sent to her so that she could bring it to her family party. It arrived, wrapped in cellophane and a pretty bow, and she put it in the office refrigerator to keep it fresh until quitting time. After work, she went to retrieve the arrangement to bring to her celebration, and someone had opened the cellophane, taken all the chocolate-covered fruit off, leaving just the plastic stems, and re-wrapped it.
Also, an Ask a Manager meet-cute friendship occurred in the comments on that post!
The post the inadvertent bike thief, the disappearing hair, and other stories of weird office thefts appeared first on Ask a Manager.
https://www.askamanager.org/2025/05/the-inadvertent-bike-thief-the-disappearing-hair-and-other-stories-of-weird-office-thefts.html
https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31010